Sunday, September 25, 2011

"Nos te ipsum" or "Nosce te ipsum" or " Know Thyself" or "How I Found Magic in Lines, Sidewalk Writing, and Remembering Myself"

I know that I get overwhelmed with people when I am in large crowds for an extended amount of time. I know going to a certain infamous big-box-store will make me want to crawl in to the fetal position and cry until I puke or pass out. I know that when I start to get the"oh-for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy-please-leave-me-the-f-alone" feeling I need to stop, take a deep breath through my nose, and exhale through my mouth. And I need to do this a couple of times (At work my boss reminds me to do this and at home the bear [aka my girlfriend] reminds me to breathe).

So, when a friend tried to make plans with me, then changed them, then changed them again, then tried to make new plans after I had just paid a visit to the infamous big-box-store (and had thusly become peopled-out) I forgot myself and got a little frustrated (at no real fault of my friend). But, before my frustration got the better of me, I took a breath, I grabbed my camera, and went on a walk. The bear told me a walk would be a good idea and said to take lots of "angry pictures." It was in jest but I could feel my frustration getting in the way of taking pictures and enjoying the walk. But I kept breathing. And I kept clicking and did take some "angry pictures." Eventually all the "angry pictures" were exhausted and I decided on a subject matter. I made a little collage when I got back home (See, see! Look at all the little pictures in the one picture!)

Two things stood out during this photo walk: 1. Lines 2. This quote in the cement, "Nos te ipsum." Which, correctly, is Nosce te ipsum (according to Wikipedia) and is Latin for "Know Thyself." I often forget myself. I forget that there is more than one side to a story, a feeling, myself (There is more than one way to feel you at one time). I forget that when I don't draw lines or make boundaries or set definite goals I often end up letting some of my "shitsticky" qualities (read: procrastination, fear, frustration with people) get in the way or overflow into my "more better" qualities (read: writing, art, magic making, spending quality time with friends and the bear).

My magic this week came, unexpectedly, at the end. It is this: Remember yourself. Set goals (an obtainable small goal is best for recovering from forgetting yourself). Don't be afraid to draw lines and make boundaries so you can be your best self to yourself and to those you love.

(P.S. When I say "make boundaries" I'm not talking the barbed wire kind that no living soul can get into and you yourself can only break apart after a Pink Floyd "The Wall" experience. I'm talking about standing up for your self. If you don't want to do something because it interferes with who you are or the you that you want to be, keep that boundary up. Make it strong and be yourself.)

(P.P.S. This was actually Saturday's post. But apparently I still forget that there is a time difference. It's only 11:56 p.m. in MT. Does it still count as the Saturday Post?)

1 comment:

  1. Hm. I actually needed to hear this- the timing could not have been better for me! I am not so good at setting boundaries. It's something that I've been trying to work on, and also something I've been trying to see more clearly when others set boundaries with me.
    Also, I really like the idea of "angry pictures"! I think we try to make things too pretty in art sometimes. And usually that means dismissing things that are angry. Anger is a legit feeling, too, I think. And Anger probably gets upset when it isn't acknowledged either. So. Yes. :)

    (p.s. this'll count as a Saturday post! :) )