Whimsy Wednesday: HTDA

So, I've not done a How To Do Alone post in a long time. I thought an HTDA: Valentine's Day edition would be fun. First, I'd like to say that I feel Valentine's Day really is just another day and you can do this ooey gooey stuff on any random Thursday, and probably should because you are a total fox who needs to be celebrated every day. Second, you can totally admit the "fundamentally commercialized nature of the holiday and reject it on economic/femenist/smart human grounds" (Thank you Sarah Cadence, babe at Damn Girl Get Some). Third, of course you can totally enjoy the hearts and chocolate covered things and excessive use of pink if that's your thing.

I'm just here to make really bad "how to" blog posts, because I like to make them: they make me giggle and I like to giggle. I also like to laugh, and eat cheese fries every Thursday...

I also thought I'd try something different. Instead of writing out what to do, what you need, where to go, what I did, I decided to video everything and just make this HTDA watchable. If you like the video way better let me know. Also, let me know if you prefer the written way.

Anyway, here are two versions: a short version and a longer version. They're kind of whimsical and silly. This is why they are being posted on Whimsy Wednesday.

The Short Version

The Longer Version

How To Do Alone: Winter Crafty Cards

It’s cold and grey and rainy and snowy outside and you’ve wanted to do some winter project crafty things but think 1. It takes too much time, 2. You can’t do it, 3. Someone else can do it better, 4. You don’t have the supplies, or 5. You need someone to help. I’m here to let you know 1. These cards take 1-3 hours to make, 2. You CAN do this, 3. No one can make them like you can, 4. You can use anything you have supply wise, and 5. I’m here to help!

Makes: 12 cards approximately 3”X4” or 6 cards and 3 envelopes.

What You Need:

Brown paper bag. A large paper grocery bag can make 12 cards or 6 cards and 3 envelopes.

Adhesive. Glue, Tape, Mod Podge, Spit if it’s loogey enough, Finger nail polish, model airplane glue, paint even gets sticky and will be kind of cool when it dries. You could even sew everything together with needle and thread.

Scissors. Or a sharp knife if you know how to wield it, hack saw, hatchet if you’re working with really thick paper.

Magazines. Wrapping paper, wall paper, pictures, photographs, maps, newspapers, printed images, pieces of paper or tags or lists you’ve found, candy wrappers sans candy.

Blank Paper. This is for the inside message. This is optional. You can just write on the paper bag inside. The white paper makes it easier to write and read the message.

Writing Thing. Pen, pencil, marker, crayon, paints, rusty nail, charcoal, stick burned at the end… blood from your finger, I guess, if you’re desperate to write a message right then and there and you find yourself without something with which to write. I would suggest skipping the blood and waiting until you find something else.

Music. Crafty Playlist anyone?

Note: This version of cards is the “I just wanna make something” version. This is not the “I’m going to make cards and envelopes and sell them for bunches of money” version. The later requires a lot of time, rulers, exacto knives, pressing, sealing, selling, and an accuracy that is not required for the former.

What To Do:

Grab your magazines, photos, wall paper, collectings, and whatever and start cutting away. Get a collection of card size things. Set aside. Grab your paper bag. I’m working with a standard grocery bag size. You know how both sides can fold in? Well hold the opening of the bag in front of your face so you see those folds. Notice how it looks like a W or an M? you are going to cut from the top of the bag down to the bottom as if you are freeing the capitalized letter from the side of the bag. When you are done cutting you are going to have a really long letter shape. Open this letter and cut down the middle crease of this so you have two V shapes. This will be where your cards come from. You can leave the sides uneven or cut them so you have even sides.  Close the fold and cut across so you have three individual cards. Before you get your adhesive/tape/glue all over the cards and the clippings do a test run. Go through your clippings and fit all the pieces on the front of the card the way you want it before gluing so you can change things around if you want. Then glue/adhesive/sew everything together. Next you can cut some white stripes of paper to fit (you’ll have to glue/tape it) inside of the card so you have a writing surface or you can leave the card as is and write on the brown paper bag. If you decided to make envelopes all you have to do is find an envelope already made that fits your cards. Open up the envelope and trace the shape on the brown paper bag. Then cut the shape out and glue/tape the sides down so there is space for the cards to fit in your new brown paper envelopes. Use your writing thing to write a message. And Ta Da!

What I Did:

See above.

P.S. If you really like cutting things out the cutting/collecting process itself can take 1-2 hours extending this project into more hours. But, hey, you might really get into it and not care how long you are being all crafty-like.

How To Do Alone: Feel Better

Liquids and Biscuits 

Let's pretend that you had a lot of fun during Christmas but also worked every day this past week and all of a sudden you wake up one morning and you feel... sweaty, phlegmy, run down. And you can't taste anything.

Yep. It's happened. You, my dear Spatulan, are under the weather. Well, let's also pretend that I am feeling the same way. (Which, I am. No pretending here.) But just to keep it interesting, let's pretend that you are still able to go to work. You just feel crappy. You don't really have a fever and your snot isn't bright green or yellow. You're probably just "breathing warm air out of [your runny] nose" and you don't have any nasal spray. This post is how to make your self feel a little bit better if you're feeling plum wore out after the holiday chaos festivities.

What You Need:
♥Rest. Take a nap during the day if you can manage it. Go to bed early if you can't.
♥Liquids. Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
♥Comfortable clothing. If you can go to work in your PJs and not get called out: awesome.
♥A scarf. I really like my neck warm when I don't feel well.
♥Healthy things to eat. I know, I know. But comfort food can be healthy too. You do need to eat something.
♥Something Soft. A cozy blanket, that giant sweatshirt you love, or your favorite stuffed animal.
♥Green Smoothie. Cause they taste so good and are so good for you. (I'll give you my variations)
♥Ginger lemon tea. A friend gave me this recipe and I love how it's Spicy, Tangy, Sweet! Almost like a TLC album!
♥Vitamins. Yeah, well. You knew this was coming.
♥Face Tissues. By the truck load. And make sure they are soft so you don't chap up your nostrils.
♥Hand lotion, Chapstick, a good book, a good movie, some knitting. Just... you need this stuff.
♥Dark chocolate. Because it's a cure-all. And it is so too a healthy food. So there. *pout*

How To Do Alone: A Lazy Sunday

What's not to love about A Lazy Sunday? Unless you're so in the future that you hate Sunday because you keep thinking how the next day is Monday and how it will be time to go back to work again, there really isn't anything to dislike about Sunday. Today was A Lazy Sunday for this Spatulan. And by lazy I mean I enjoyed my day off, ate breakfast late, bought something nice for myself (a magazine), and did something nice for a friend. This post is How to Do Alone: Lazy Sunday Edition. (It's lazily been posted late at night too! I'm going the whole nine yards with this one, yo.) Being lazy alone isn't hard but one could possibly get stuck in the same old wake late-eat late-watch same movies in bed-grumble about monday-lazy day routine. Here are some suggestions to shake up a lazy day. But not too much shaking, because we're still trying to be lazy.

HTDA: Fine Dining (in photos!)

Where have you gone alone? Where do you want to go alone? Are there any places you are afraid to go alone or things you are afraid to do by yourself?

HTDA: Coffee Shopping!

Creme Brulee Drink and LimeCoconut Cookies

If you’ve been following the HTDA series: we’ve been for a walk, had a craft night and been to the library alone. From here on out we’ve going to start doing more things that involve … the public. No need to cower. It’s OK. You can do this. It’s perfectly natural to be seen in public alone. It’s not sad or pathetic or whatever adjectives you’ve come up with to talk yourself out of being along in public. It should be comforting to know that you can be sans chatter and sit in a coffee shop listening and looking without company. And, if you look around the coffee shop you’ve chosen to sit in, you’ll notice that there are other people doing the same thing. I’m not saying you’re giving into peer pressure and doing what every one else is doing. I’m just saying that you’re not alone… being alone… (P.S. This post was supposed to be posted Saturday... sorry for the delay...)

What you need:

♥ This is one HTDA for which you will need some cold hard cash... OK OK just a few bucks. I understand not having a lot of spending money, and trying to make ends meet, but you aren’t going to need much money here and going to the coffee shop isn’t an every day (or even weekly) expense anyway. In Missoula at most coffee places a cup of coffee costs $1.75, a refill is 25 cents, tip 50 cents to $1… and water is free. So at the most you will need $3 for coffee, refill, and tip. If coffee isn’t your thing get a water (it’s free), a chai latte, a soda/pop or you can get food (food is usually the more expensive item at a coffee shop and if you’re rubbing pennies together you may want to pass on the food).

♥ A prop. You know, so you don’t feel like you’re looking like a creeper while you’re sitting quietly in the corner staring at people from over your cup of water… just saying. A prop can be a laptop computer, a notebook, a sketchbook, a book/comic book, paper to fold paper airplanes, crayons, tape, whatever. Although, I wouldn’t suggest bringing a camera and taking pictures of people and the coffee shop if your goal is to not look like a creeper… like I felt like I was doing when I was trying to get pictures for this post… but if you feel comfortable enough doing so then snap them pics, yo!

♥ P.S. A prop is not mandatory.

How To Do Alone: Story Time!

S.Kemp in The Reading. Now showing at your local Library

Call it a hunch, but I’m going to say that all of you Fantastic Spatulans out there are readers. That being said, this HTDA is going to be pretty easy. We (you) are venturing out into the world of the public and we’re (you’re) going to the closest library. Going to the library may be standard fare for those spatulas who like to read but don’t like to put down the money for a new book every time you finish another. Then again, going to the library alone may not be standard for you. When was the last time you went to the public library by yourself? The Missoula Public Library is pretty fantastic. When I first moved to Missoula the library was like a second home. I used the free Wi-Fi and applied to jobs online, printed resumes from the computers named "Speedy" and "Zippy" and borrowed a lot of books, movies, and music. I went to the library for Mystery Story Night, Scrabble Monday, movie nights and other free events (which we will eventually get to doing alone). A library can be a good place to start doing things alone out in the world. Don’t worry we’ll get to bigger and noisier things soon enough.

What you need:

Just look at all those delicious books

♥  If you don’t have a library card, today is the day you’re going to get one. If you do have one, bring that sucka’.

♥ You can bring your laptop if you have one or a notebook and writing utensil if you want. Neither are strictly necessary but it’s nice to jot down the goings on at the library or maybe you don't have internet and would like to check your email... or post to Fantastic Spatula...

♥ You might need 90 cents to pay late fees accrued for the book Fall On Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald… just saying… it might happen.

♥ If you don’t know what book to check out you could ask a friend what they would recommend. You don’t have to have a book in mind but sometimes it’s a nice starting point.

How to do Alone: Taking A Stroll

The first in the “How to do Alone” series I talked about doing… forever ago. Taking a stroll is probably the most common thing to do alone. Typically, it only requires one person. A brisk 20-minute romp around the neighborhood or nearest nature trail can really change your mood. A meander through the woods or city can reveal new things – a magenta flower hanging wet with rain near a bookstore you have yet to go inside. Strolling is probably the easiest way to remember how to do alone.

What you need:

♥  Yourself and your preferred mode of foot traffic (sneakers, heels, crutches, wheel chair)

Hello, Spatulans.

It has been a long time since I have had the pleasure of posting on the Fantastic Spatula. A lot has been happening/has happened. The last I wrote I was packing for a giant move to Montana (~2,600 miles north-west from my home-grown town) and preparing for an art show, which was to be held the night before Miss Lucy and I were to embark on a cross-country road trip.

Well, it is done. And it is done good. The art show had an amazing response for all artists involved and was the most fabulous, artsy send-off I could have ever asked for.

Lucy and I had a fantastic road trip. We slept at awesome retro hotels, ate mounds of delicious food (A breakfast in Custer, SD of french-fried potato chunks with onions, peppers, ham, cheese, and green chili sauce on top and Bumbleberry Pie from Bobkat’s Purple Pie Place also in Custer with a strawberry, rhubarb, blackberry, huckleberry middle and flakey, buttery crust), prowled through several trinket and knickknack stores (tiny rubber chickens, notebooks with Sabrina Ward Harrison artwork plastered on the front cover, used bookstores that housed once-read first editions and an owner who had a story for each book), listened to many road trip mixed music tapes, saw more sights than you can shake a stick at, read to each other, thought to each other, talked about whatever to each other, held each others hands when the panic of moving miles away from home attacked (OK. OK. So, Lucy was doing most of the hand holding when my panic attacked).

The move was a success. I have an apartment in a building smack dab in the middle of downtown. The apartment building itself was once an old hotel used during the time a passenger train passed through town. I have two jobs, the first at a vintage clothing and costume store, which I adore, and the second as a housekeeper for a hotel, which I am fortunate to have in order to pay bills. I am loving wandering the streets, getting comfortable in the town, enjoying the night and day life, meeting new and unique people (my apartment complex is full of writers, artists, musicians, grad students), and I am also doing a lot of getting to know myself.

Which leads me to the subject of today’s post. Alone.

I have been doing a lot of alone in my new home. As an introvert, for me, being alone can be both uplifting and depressing. Being alone gives me time to unwind, to think about stories and characters, to project and craft, to better know myself. Being alone also gives me time to dwell on the “what if’s,” to contemplate why I’m not where I think I should be, to ponder other people’s expectations about me.

Why the dichotomy? “Is Miss Kemp bipolar or something,” you (hopefully don’t) ask. Well, I don’t know why the dichotomy. I don’t know why one pleasant afternoon of aloneing can suddenly turn into an I’m-so-lonely sob fest. I don’t know why a lonely morning sighing over tea and toast can turn into a glorious trek through alone time that afternoon. I do know, however, that I’m not alone (ah ha!) in noticing this.

A friend recently broke it down for me like this…

“Solitude is used to define the glory of alone. Loneliness, to define its darkness.”

I enjoy the solitude of alone. The loneliness, not so much. But, sometimes, doing alone can be difficult or even scary. How do you do alone all by yourself when you are out of practice and don’t know what the hell to do? How do you do alone when you are too scared to try?

My project for Wednesday’s (Starting Next Week!) is going to be a guide on doing alone. Each Wednesday I’ll post a different thing to do alone and take you step by step on how to do it. The previous week I will have done that very thing and documented it with a video or pictures as proof that alone can be done.

My hope is I’ll do more things by my self and that solitude won’t wilt into loneliness who then curls up on my oh-so-small love sofa sobbing into a pint of mocha chip ice cream. I’m not saying that won’t happen some days, but I’m not going to call my Wednesday’s posts “How to Be Miserable and Lonely and Sob Into A Pint Of Mocha Chip Ice Cream.” Besides, I’m pretty sure most people know how to do that already. If you don’t know how to do that... I don't want anything to do with you (just kidding... kinda... maybe I could take lessons from you how not to sob in my ice cream when I'm lonely bummed out. Cause I don't like the salty in my mocha chip).

I also hope that Wednesday’s “How To Do Alone” posts will serve as a starting point for those of you who, like me, may sometimes get a little anxious about doing alone.

Now, here is where you fantastic spatulans come into play. I already have a list of things to do alone, but I want you to send me more ideas and things to do alone. I know all of you are creative people. Some of you have great things to do alone and do them frequently. Others of you may have great things to do alone but have been afraid to do them.

Post your alone ideas in Wednesday’s Blabbity-Blab (that’s Blogger for “doobly-doo,” which is YouTube for “Comment Box”) and I’ll start a list. I’ll take one week to do each of your alone ideas (if they are within my budget and I don’t deem them too-explicit-for-kemp). I’ll document it and feature it on a Wednesday’s post. Cool, huh? Yeah, I thought so too.

Anyway, I’m going to go now, and sob into some mocha chip ice cream. Just kidding. Really. I'm going to walk back home, have dinner, read some Full Metal Alchemist, and then go to sleep because I have to get up uber early tomorrow and go housekeep… So, goodnight lovely, fantastic spatulans. I hope you are having a great week. And don't forget to gimme your ideas for a "How To Do Alone."

s.kemp